F ew relationship questions are as polarizing as whether or not you should stay friends with an ex. Anecdotal evidence feeds arguments on both sides — but what do the experts say?

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It is like grieving a death. When you get your heart broken it is only normal to feel sad and remember the good times: the flowers, the sex, the laughs, and the love. Guess what? My own experiences have not led me to want to be friends with my ex, which I think says something on its own. For those that can maintain the friendship after the split—kudos. Also I just plain have no interest in talking to a hateful drug addict. If you work together or pass by on the street, fine. Otherwise, it prevents both people from moving on with their lives.

Cry, sob, be miserable. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting.

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And its true—why chase someone who cannot see your value? Men like to figure things out on their own, and sometimes it takes being apart from the woman for a while before the man realizes how much he misses her and loves her.

Should i talk to my ex or stay away?

If you call before he has thought things through, and before he has had time to really miss you, you could interrupt the process…which could lead to him breaking it off with you for good. It will only cause you heartbreak. Delete his phone from your mobile phone so you are not tempted. Delete him from your Facebook friends too. We should get together with our families and catch up sometime. He got my phone a few weeks later and called begging for money.

My ex communicates with my family and it fucking kills me

Then he wrote asking me to cover for him with his wife because she was suspicious of the affair he was having. It affects future relationships no matter who the people are. To ignore that or deny that it has ANY affect at all is superficial. Someone always ends up getting hurt. You just have to let it go and move on. Definitely not if one person still wants to date or marry! It also depends on how physical the relationship was. And then the time the relationship lasted, if not longer, must pass if you date for three months, three months need to pass before re-establishing contact.

Here's what it really means if you still want to talk to your ex, an expert says

I find it hard to imagine not wanting to be friends with someone who you at one point thought was a very good person, good enough to date. Oftentimes friends of mine have tried to focus too much on the friendship part right after the breakup and it just ends up making the situation worse. I think a lot of space is essential especially in the beginning and then after that it is important to just be friendly. You can still care for that person and be cordial, but a friendship is hard—especially if there are feelings on any side.

I find it hard to find the new boundaries of friendship with someone who you were once so intimate with. I really believe its best for both parties despite what they feel for the other person to let go and move on. My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! There is one ex of mine in particular whom I do not maintain a friendship with whatsoever because our relationship was i still talk to my ex and unfruitful.

Should you stay friends with an ex? here's what experts say

On the other side of that coin is another ex who has loved me like no other till the end of time. We ended things with love. And because of his nature and the loving kindness of our relationship we managed to maintain a beautiful friendship immediately after we broke up, and even over long distance to this day. This is a very unusual situation for me. Once you decide to breakup, break up. If both parties, and I mean both parties, can get past the romantic issues and any baggage of bitterness then a friendship is possible. That being said I have yet to remain friends with an ex nor have I had an ex that I would want to remain friends with.

I like to believe it is possible and maybe one day in the future we will be able to be friends.

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I do believe in being friendly, or at least polite especially when you have mutual friends. But if your relationship was complicated and messy than its better to just walk away and leave it at that. Once we break up, we break up. It depends on an entire grab bag of things—maturity, the past relationship, so many factors. I think one thing is for certain. Time is necessary for all of us. THEN, you can decide whether becoming friends or mere acquaintances or strangers is right for the two of you. It definitely varies, but if you can BOTH manage to have a responsible relationship after, I say go ahead.

Perhaps with a little caution and consideration of any new relationships. I think it really depends on what kind of breakup it was.

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I have a ex that I care about and we a both married but I would rather have him and accept him as a friend than lose all contact with him. I meant both of you. Exes can be great friends.

Broke up but still talking (and what to do about it)

But only if you have a clear idea that you two were beautiful together in the idea of past, but not present. Well, at times you may feel like connecting again. We ask each other about career advice, sometimes personal choice or about health and life. The idea of love has vanished, but friendship is sailing. The first week, it may not be a good idea to talk to one another because with wounds still fresh, somebody may end up saying something they will later regret.

However, after that initial period, it can be helpful to talk once in a while.

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Now, talking to an ex should not be the same as talking to a ificant other. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an or even to talk on the phone or in person. Not severing all ties immediately will help both parties to ease into the new situation of being apart. After all, it is difficult to never again see or speak to someone whom you once truly cared for. Why risk causing problems for each other by maintaining regular contact? Best to just cut contact. It can be good to catch up every couple of years.

37 girls on whether or not it’s ever okay to talk to an ex

Especially go see him. Let him come back on his own…. No matter what happened. You should try and stop yourself from doing so I think as you will still be emotional and will end up saying something that you regret and make the situation worse. Also, your ex could say something that makes you even more upset. No matter who broke up you will be doing both a favor by being strong and just toughing it out. Believe me, I come from both sides of the fence.

I broke up with guy I cared a lot about but realized that I was not really in love with him. About a year later we reconnected, but without the baggage, and are now good friends with completely separate lives.

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From now on, he will always have the upper hand. Be wise, if it is over, let it go. It will hurt as hell in the beginning, but it WILL get better in time. You deserve that. You may unsubscribe at any time. Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about. These words are for us all. Beyond Worthyby Jacqueline Whitney.

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Get your copy today. By Jessica Winters Updated October 27, Get the best of Thought Catalog in your inbox. About the author Back to the basics. articles from Jessica on Thought Catalog. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in!

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